Anger

Yesterday evening I stopped in at Mother Earth Brewing Co. for a couple of beers. My good friend and neighbor Tony Chahal was there. I hadn't touched base with him for a few weeks before my trek across Vista and I've deactivated my Facebook account so I haven't really had any interaction since then.

We talked about how my novel writing went. I had to explain to him that I've set it aside for now. (It actually turns out somewhat better because my next online course is Composition 155) He inquired about a few tweets I posted shortly before shut down Facebook and I told him about some explained some of it to him. (Hilarity of me using a Welcome mat as a blanket omitted.)

At the end of my tale he offered me some of the most intriguing insight I've ever been given. It's something that's been on my mind all night and morning (so much so that I thought I'd blog about it.)

"Anger is a virus, man."

The more I've thought on this, the more I've realized that it's true. In trying to disprove this statement, I let my mind stray to the Animal Kingdom. I tried to pin-point examples I would consider "anger". Sure, animals don't all live in harmony with one another. They fight, they kill each other, they ostracize other creatures in the family.......but could this really be considered anger?

My favorite animal will always be the Whitetail Deer (because I've learned so much about them through research and personal observation) so I went that way first. The males fight, but it's always a territorial thing or about mating. Maybe this wasn't the best answer, but a buck's reasons for fighting or being aggressive explained away a lot in the Animal Kingdom. Many other species display the same behaviors.

I thought about it for a while and imagined the example of a panther stalking its prey. Right before the beast is about to pounce, another panther leaps on the creature and proceeds to kill it. The panther hangs around a bit, but the other panther hisses at it and it leaves to find another opportunity.

I tried thought about a recent experience I had on Black Friday at Walmart to relate this example to. That evening the parking lot was a madhouse. I witnessed several people who were waiting for a parking spot only to have another person whip right in and take it. I even had the displeasure of watching a rather violent confrontation over the matter. This wasn't the only spat about it. The panthers may find themselves "coming to blows" but their motivation is still primal (FOOD). What is the humans motivation? Why were people so upset with each other about this? Why were they upset enough to hurt each other or spend precious time getting into arguments over it?

I thought about my wife and her demeanor. Did her parents get mad? Of course...what parent doesn't? They never let their anger spill over into shouting/screaming. I've been with Paola for over 3 years now. I've never heard her raise her voice during an argument (except to possibly drown me out when I was yelling like a fool.) She snaps at our daughter, she's scolded Jimmi, but never with the roar that I let out from time to time.

Tony is right. She is not infected. She wasn't exposed to the virus.

Angry people have the same underlying issues that we all have. They are not special, but the infection feeds itself off those issues and grows within them. Often times a person has been infected so long they don't even know what the original issue the virus clung to was. It finds it and it works to help create more until a soul is lost.

When I was in the military, I spent my life surrounded by people who hated their jobs and the structure associated with that profession made it possible for the people who outranked me to openly display the anger they had inside. Never have I seen so many people who "hated" their supervisors. I went from place to place in the military and witnessed this in many of them. The virus had spread. It was in each of us looking for a reason to expose itself to other people.

I'm not sure if it is the cure for the virus yet or not, but it gradually has been subsiding since I remarried and moved to an environment where I was the only angry person. It got to a point where it was embarrassing to me when I reacted that way. My wife doesn't respond. She doesn't understand that blind rage. It made me think about better ways to respond to situations so that I could relate more to her. We have arguments (what married couple doesn't?) but we've found more constructive and useful ways to settle those.

My goal in life is not to infect my children with the virus I carry. I do not want my kids to ever think that it's okay to display that behavior. I want them to always follow the example my wife has set for me. I want them to be like she is. I want my kids to be able to resolve a conflict in a calm manner and I hope that their character will be as infectious as my wife's was on me.